iPhone heat wave

Disclaimer : The author of this post is not a fanboy. He may be called an idiot, a faggot, a junkie or anything abusive,but a fanboy. He owns products made by Apple, Samsung, LG, Amazon, Canon, Nikon, Sony, Dell and Yamaha (not related to this post).

It is that time of the year…. when fanboys of all areas go berserk in support of their bloody phones and tablets. All social networks are going insane with Memes and posts of hate and love. Suddenly all the morons who use their phones to stalk others on Whatsapp or browse Facebook while sitting on the toilet, start celebrating their phones as if it some fruit of their hard work and innovation.

First things first. Apple is a great brand. They are the brand to beat. They make awesome devices that look a lot better than they work or deliver. They are a premium company known for making devices for the premium market.

So let me stop pretending that I am tech-savvy guy and put this in perspective of a user. Phones have fast become the status symbols they once never were. People have started spending money they don’t have on phones. So they need to justify that their money was well spent. With every apple keynote event, the whole web goes crazy to ridicule apple or support it. At least a lot of them are doing it creatively. But the remaining lot. Like.. Come on! It is a gadget that you paid money for and got across a counter. Stop pretending you have something to do with it’s success! It is your money they have! You are marketing it for them… for free!!

Inspector gadget is said to have influenced Samsung’s R&D division. The lag just seem to have caught on.

Next time some one says nasty things about your phone, whatever piece of crap you have in your hand, consider this: Your phone is basically manufactured somewhere by companies who are selling devices that obviously emit harmful radiation. These are folks who are arm-twisting medical organisations and governments into making provisions for them to freely sell these devices of terror. No matter what any medical ‘report’ tells you, cellular phones are harmful! Don’t trust me? Call a doctor on live TV and ask whether it is safe to use cell phones for prolonged periods of time. It doesnt impact everyone the same way obviously.

Then, stop talking about stuff you have no clue about. Three years back Apple fanboys were all about  ‘God!!! android’s security sucks! iOS rocks!’ till they ended up googling Scarlett Johansson’s leaked pictures. Suddenly all of them it was somehow Apple’s fault that iCloud was hacked. Suddenly Apple’s security was terribly hammered. Really? The other thing about ‘Lag’…… What is this science of ‘lag’ that attracts you so much? Yes there are lags in android due to the obnoxious skins that providers, except Motorola, add. Apple isn’t immune to lag. Apple is just clever enough to disguise their lag. So what is about lagging that raises your… interests so much? With newer updates, phone companies will want to add cooler features to stay ahead of the competition. This means your phone will eventually get outdated. Except for the Nokia 3310. That phone rules! Deal with it. Besides, it isin’t like you are running for president and every bloody second matters to you!! Yes Windows has no lag. No apps, no features, no novelty and no coolness as well.

It rumored that King Julian is an iPhone user. Doesn’t reflect on other apple users, does he?

But Samsung! Your phones lag. terribly. uncontrollably. unfairly. So do something and fix them. And oh! while you are at that, please change your totally crap and completely outdated UI. A wooly mammoth that travels through time to 2014 will find that outdated. So no more shit!

And now :

Iphone guys – Ha ha! you are all outdated now! that must suck!! I mean that must really suck!! It cost you 500 pounds, 699 dollars or 50000 rupees, depending on where you spent it. Must have been heart breaking to see your device side-lined. Ah, that is ok. You get to have iOS 8 at least. At least now, you don’t need explain the difference between iPhone 5 and yours. People will obviously know you have an old iPhone. You know what would hurt even more? new iPhone owners will look at your phone, the same way you looked at the iPhone 4S. Sad. I would hate to be in your place. BTW, stop getting excited about the phone you are not holding right now. I know what you are thinking. But you have only one Kidney left. No! No! It is not worth the new iPhone, besides your kidney alone wouldn’t be enough.

Android folks – Esp the Samsung folks, Relax. Unless you have a Note 3, S5, G3,Nexus5 or an M8, your phone isint better than the new iPhone. No. No its not. I mean not even close!! So stop bullshitting people with your comparo charts that specifically target Megapixels, screen sizes and NFC. I mean how many of you actually know about, let alone use NFC? You like your phone, we get it. But that doesn’t mean you get to whip it out and dance in the rain while saying nasty stuff about Apple. Yes Apple doesn’t give a shit about people who can’t afford them. But Jeez! So stop comparing every damn phone with the iPhone because yours can also make calls and has 3G. Your phone may never see the next version of android and the Apple play store is still the best place to shop. Deal with it!

Windows users – err.. I have nothing to say. You have an uphill climb right ahead. Your OS provider has a legacy that no one would be proud of. That terrible windows 6 OS and that totally awesome failure which they called ‘Kin’ ot ‘Kim’. I mean what were they thinking? But hey at least you got Cortana. A virtual assistant, who has the voice of a woman. Its nice. Very original and in quick time too(2014!!). Anything really original, cool and attractive like the Zune player doesn’t work with the public, because……..??? nah. Who cares? At least your phones have cameras. But I like the way you guys never get into any big arguments. I guess the number of ‘burns’ was really hard to take.

Yeah, at least you have…. whow……that is Cortana??!!!! :O

BlackB…. *cough* whow!! Hold on I gotta call. talk to you later.