Let us talk murder to get used to it

I once got into a local train during the morning hours of a Saturday in 2009. For many vague reasons, it was a trend then to buy a cheap Chinese phone, turn the music on loud, keep it in your pocket and listen to it. I have never understood how many felt it was OK to do that. But this dude who got it, did that and more. He was playing audio clips of Tamil heroes saying dialogues targeting girls who refuse to love them. Point to note – The heroes in all the movies were either jobless ruffians, mechanics,drivers or gangsters.  But of course, they all had hearts of gold, you know like it happens in real life. It was an eye-opener. I came to understand how these guys got the courage they seem to posses.

Numbing is a feeling you get when you have any sort of thing happen to you again and again. It’s sad that sometimes it happens when things happen just once and but hit you so hard that it alone numbs you out.

I didn’t want to do this. But watching people discuss the murder to slowly get used to it is really haunting me. I’ve seen so many posts about the murder in Nungambakkam. Loads of them suggest to kill off the murderer. Most of them talk mob justice without trial. And sad thing is, all of them are saying they should have been present to make any difference.  My humble request you superhumans : please go home,  take your Facebook likes and sleep. Why?… you ask.  This will not stop.  This will never stop. Women will continue to be harassed as long as we think it is OK to post anything we like and then live our lives with no bloody difference.

My dear great ‘strong’ men who are posting things like ‘I would have killed him there!’ , ‘I would have broken his bones’, ‘I would have scared him out’ – Doesn’t it shame you even a little bit to give false hope to all the women reading it? Unless a harasser is bony little school boy who is shorter than 5 feet, I know how you baboons might probably react. I know that once some idiot makes a video showing men as heroes standing up to bullying, you will simply share it and walk away. Ya because that is going to happen!

My dear lady who is reading this – You can live the way you are, hoping against hope that nothing will ever happen to you and remain an easy target. Or you can chose to become a harder target. The fact that everyone here is saying ‘None of the men there were courageous enough to stop him’ shows how little everyone thinks women are. Prove them wrong. Make yourself stronger, make yourself fearsome. Fight social stigma. And please dont expect the ‘men’ around you to defend you. Learn to fight moral standards and talk out of tough situations. Say whatever you need to. Dont let people tell you what is right and what is wrong. Live now and fight another day. Dont let people feed you bullshit that you are safe anywhere anytime. There is no shame in walking away from a situation you cannot handle. The strongest of the humankind, the wisest war heroes, emperors and even ruthless conquerors knew when to walk out of a situation. The key is to access it and not react. There is nothing cowardly about being clever enough to live. Take pride in being able to defend yourself. Just like you take pride in earning and fending for yourself.

My dear dear film makers who have time and again been portraying girls in bad light – Wake the hell up! Stop making movies with morons are heroes. Does it make sense to you that pandering to your moronic audiences is turning them into criminals? I know that in reality girls run away with drivers, watchmen and jobless goons. But is money-minting such a big deal that you will simply continue to do this? Do you have the social responsibility to show what happens after couples elope?

Lets get all the facts right. We will face storms. We will withstand floods. We will fight for heroes and movies and sports and parties. But we will not fight for fellow humans. All policemen are not gods. They will look to make their jobs easier JUST like the rest of us. Let us make our women more socially aware. Let us tell them that they dont necessarily represent your family’s honour or for that matter the honour of all women. You know why? Because the great parents who gave birth to boys wont teach them to behave. It is plainly stupid to hope that that will change.

You cannot be everywhere all the time. So if you want to make a difference, make it in reality. Let the girls in your team go to self defence classes. Think safety during off-hours. Never assume any place is entirely safe. Learn to stay in a constant state of awareness. It is not too much to ask during your prime years at least.

If YOU dont want to defend yourself, why should others do it for you?